April 2nd 2013 Meeting Notes for the Vancouver Adult ADD Support Group
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Acceptance. How to develop self acceptance. It's useful in it's own right, and also, it's harder to change what you can't accept. Acceptance of yourself is the first step to change vs denial of reality.
Facilitator: Pete Quily
Thanks for Christopher Stanbury for taking notes
1 What is one part of you that you have had trouble accepting in the past, but now you've found a way to accept?
2 How did you learn how to do it?
Self-Worth: "If others can accept me, so should I."
3 How do you define acceptance?
4. Negative consequences of not accepting yourself?
Continual pain (emotional pain)
Beating yourself up
5. Why do ADDers have more trouble accepting themselves than non-ADDers?
More honest about self-awareness - see flaws more clearly
Don't filter as much
Focus on our flaws
Strong sense of right or wrong
Feel injustice more strongly
Executive functions don't work well
Lack of delegating
If you don't know why you have difficulty with acceptance - it is harder to deal with it.
What if that "one door" is acceptance?
Are your expectations accurate?
Do others get it but not you?
"Do you mean that I'm not lazy, crazy, or stupid?"
Focus on the neurological perspective of ADHD rather than the moral perspective.
Take your info about ADHD and educate your doctor. Canadian medical schools don't do this very well and some doctors have zero training on ADHD.
ADHD is easy for the government to ignore.
4. What increases self-acceptance?
How to manage procrastination better
How to accept different parts of you
Accepting others helps you to accept yourself.
Look at the good points of 1. Others and 2. Yourself
Serenity prayer - "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
Neuroplasticity - the brain can change at any age. Our brains are neuroplastic, not concrete. Unless we're unwilling to learn how to change.
"Gift of Confidence" [after meeting with partner or friend give each other a "Gift of Confidence"]
"3 good" [at bedrtime ask yourself what were 3 good things about the day]
Write 3 things you did well every day at the end of the day, in a small book and review the previous few days notes before writing. Well, not perfect aka the God delusion. I do this quite frequently with my adult ADHD Coaching clients and it works quite well.
Don't blow off positive feedback from others.
Take in compliments
Ask for feedback
Forgiveness of others, and of yourself
Book: "Forgive for Love" by Frederick Luskin
Don't feed off of your own anger
Don't reject a compliment because it comes from family or a friend by telling yourself that therefore it does not qualify.
1. General level of acceptance
2. Something having difficulty in accepting
What will help 1 or 2 above?
The more you read about, the more you understand
Re: the perception that family compliments don't count:
- You need to fight this tendency in yourself
- Accept "birthday" compliments
- Learn to say "Thank You"