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Topic: ADHD and Relationships

December 21st 2004 Meeting Notes for the Vancouver Adult ADD Support Group

Return to Vancouver Adult ADD Support Group Previous Notes Page


Facilitator: Pete Quily

The topic for this meeting was ADHD and Relationships. Thanks to Ross for the notes.

Wednesday, December 21st, 2004 from 7:00 to 8:30 PM

Question to think about.

  • What I "do" or "be" with a person with whom I have a good relationship? 
    Negative habits in relationships. Interject conversationally
  • Not being able to read others body language or pitch of voice.
  • Procrastination
  • Don't do lists
  • Intense body language.
  • Want to hear everything so end up hearing nothing.
  • Being overwhelmed
  • Lacking assertiveness
  • Defer to others
  • Not setting boundaries
  • Putting off, avoiding
  • Shutting down.
  • Pickiness regarding expectations
  • Anger with employees

What one can do differently?

  1. Make lists
  2. Take meds. Helps concentration.
  3. Don't challenge people with your eyes; be more relaxed; slow deep breaths help to relax. Maintain focus in conversations. Allow time to think of response
  4. Force self to choose conversations, make self aware of chosen conversation.
  5. Don't put pressure on self
  6. Delegate
  7. Say, "I'll get back to you later" instead of impulsively saying "Yes"
  8. Appreciate the efforts of others.
  9. Learn how to utilize skills better so as to make more responsible choices.
  10. Learn anger management techniques.
  11. Get calm before being critical of children, they absorb emotions more than words.
  12. Practice what you preach.
  13. Learn to be not so critical of others.
  14. Mind one's own business
  15. Support others by helping them with their problems
  16. Be myself
  17. Listen to other person. Hear what is going on with him or her.
  18. Share spiritual component
  19. Being honest with others by letting them know of impairment so one does not have to pretend. Requires less lying and less energy.
  20. Being honest allows others to be honest.


New Meeting Place:

Raven Song Community Health Centre. It's at 2450 Ontario Street, Vancouver. 2 blocks west of Main St, and 1/2 a block north of Broadway. It's about 2 kilometers east of our old location and 2 block north. It has parking in front, and the 99 B line stops there as well as the #3 main bus, #9, #8, and #19. It can fit up to 60 people

Topics and dates of meetings for Feb - June 2005 Vancouver ADD Adult Support Group.

February 22nd. Tuesday. Symptoms of ADD, subtypes of ADD, where to look for help, different ways of treating ADD. I.e., therapy, coaching, etc.

March 22nd Dr. Gabor Mate, author of When the Body Says No. The Costs of Hidden Stress and Scattered Minds. How Attention Deficit Disorder Originates and What You Can Do About It, will do a talk about ADD and Stress. Dr. Mate has ADD and has had regular medical columns in The Vancouver Sun and the national Globe and Mail. He also teaches a course on ADD at Langara College's Certificate in ADHD Studies.

Dr. Mate tends to attract large audiences so it is recommended to come early in order to get in. Arriving on "ADD Time" may mean missing the talk:)

April 26th Tuesday. ADD and Emotions. How to deal with them more effectively. Emotional Alchemy.

May 24th Tuesday. ADD and co existing conditions or comorbidities

June 28th Tuesday. Healthy boundaries and ADD. What/who do you have to say no to in order to say yes to what's important? How do you do that on a regular basis?




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