Communications And Social Skills For ADHD, Articles, Books, and Videos
One of the ways to manage your ADHD is to understand how ADHD can effect your communication and social skills and how that effects your work life, relationships, finances, health, personal life etc.
Then identify specific problem areas you have, whether with an ADHD coach, a therapist or someone who can give you an objective outside opinion AND not someone who’s judgemental and shaming.
And you have to be open to listen and consider, vs be trapped by your ego and focus on defending your ego vs improving your life outcomes. Then find ways to work on improve them, but not all at once:)
Communications and Social Skills Articles, Books, and Videos for Adults and Children With ADHD
For Adults
For Children
While these are designed for people with ADHD, MANY people who don’t have ADHD have poor communications skills and social skills. They could also benefit from these. I believe these skills often aren’t taught very well in school. Your ADHD Coach can often help you learn these skills.
If you’re running a business and need to have some kind of social event function for your business that you’re nervous about, you could also hire an event planner to do it for you, especially if you find such things stressful. You may even want to do so for certain personal events too. Smart people delegate.
For Adults
Communications and Social Skills Articles For Adults With ADHD
12 Ways To Be Miserable
This is not ADHD specific but still relevant because if you’re miserable it will effect your relationships or ability to have any decent ones. My notes on Psychologist and Author, Dr. Randy Paterson, Vancouver talk.
Communication Skills For ADHD Adults
My Vancouver Adult ADD Support Group members did the questionnaire in the back of the book, What Does Everyone Else Know That I Don’t? Social Skills For Adults With ADD By Michele Novotni.
From the headings, we broke into groups to discuss the area where we are the most challenged and come up with some solutions to those challenges.
II. Verbal Communication Skills
III. Nonverbal Communication Skills
IV. Communication Roadblocks
V. Organizational Skills, Trustworthyness
Distractions How ADHD Adults Can Reduce Them
Distractibility is one the major reasons we adders have problems in our relationships.
We covered:
What are the costs of distraction in your life?
Why are we ADHD adults more likely to be distracted?
What reduces the chance of us being distracted?
Practical distractiblity reduction pair exercise
Have More Fun in Bed
By Dr. Michele Novotni
“Improve your ADHD marriage by reducing distractions and reigning in the impulses of adult ADD. The last thing you want to do is let an impulsive comment make your partner think you don’t love him. “Looks like you put on a few pounds” probably isn’t a good way to launch a romantic evening.”
How To Listen More Effectively
The benefits and costs of not listening effectively, barriers to listening, how feeling affect listening. Listening is not the same as hearing, what makes listening better? Verbal, and non-verbal signs.
Manage Adult ADHD Impulsivity
Covers:
1. Why are ADHD adults more impulsive than non ADDers?
Here we’re talking specifically impulsivity in a negative context, with negative outcomes. Positive impulsivity can be useful. I.e., creativity is impulsivity done right, etc, but we won’t focus on that here.
2. What increases the chances of you acting / talking impulsively?
3. What reduces our chances of speaking or acting impulsively?
4. Pick an area where you have an impulsivity problem
Get into pairs or threes. Ask your partner to pick one of their impuslivity problems and ask them
What of the above factors increases the problem?
What of the above factos might reduces the problem?
Create a plan
When and how will you remember to do it? Pick a date and time.
Discuss in pairs
Write it up
Reasons Why It’s Tough to Keep Friends When You Have ADHD
By Cynthia Hammer. Goes over 7 reasons why social relationships can be difficult for people with ADHD and ways to improve social relationships and tips on dealing with poor memory.
Reducing And Managing Distractions When You Have Adult ADHD
Why are ADHD Adults More Likely To Get Distracted?
How To Think About Distractions
General Ways to Reduce Distractibility
Situational Things to Help Reduce Distractibility
Practical Next Steps to Better Manage Your Distractions
Relationship Issues for Adults with ADHD
Rob Tudisco, an attorney with ADHD, shares his insights on how to make your marriage work.
Relationships And ADHD Adults Notes
Questions to think about specific problems in relationship and what things we can do differently to get different outcomes.
Self-Esteem Reduce It Or Boost It For ADHD Adults
Adult with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder often have lower levels of self-esteem and at all socio-economic levels too. Lower self esteem will impact your ability to seek out and create healthy relationships and maintain them. Covered:
What is self-esteem?
Consequences of low self-esteem
What things reduce self-esteem?
What things boost your self-esteem?
Practical self esteem pair exercise
Social Skills: The Bottom Line for Adult ADHD/LD Success
By Marnell L. Hayes. Types of social skills problems affecting adult ADHD/ LD success and early intervention strategies. Should be read by parents as well. Covers:
Social skills deficits
Importance of early intervention
Strategies for early intervention at home
Self talk
Reinforcement
Role-playing
Types of social skills affecting adult LD success
Language and social conventions
Skills in asking for help in receiving information
Body awareness skills
Organizational skills
Personal space awareness
Mood swings, overreaction, and depression
The Guy’s Guide to Deciphering a Date
By Michele Novotni. This isn’t just for ADDers. Gives the verbal and non verbal green, yellow and red light signals women give you when you’re on a date.
What Your Non-ADHD Spouse Wants You To Understand
Some good tips and quite a few interesting comments on the post.
What’s Your SQ? Social Intelligence Quotient
Author of Emotional Intelligence (EQ), Daniel Goleman, has a new measure of intelligence SQ or Social Intelligence Quotient. It deals with understanding other peoples feelings, empathy, and social skills. “Scientists have discovered that our interactions don’t just shape our experiences.
They actually alter our biology. Fulfilling relationships promote good health, while bad ones “can act like slow poison in our bodies.””
When ADHD Disrupts (and Ruins) the Romance
By Dr. Ed Hallowell. “Distractability subverts romance and eroticism, but ADHD and sexuality can absolutely co-exist in a healthy relationship. Learn how to revive intimacy, intrigue, and excitement with your partner.”
Women. Are You Feeling Socially Weak? Build Your Strength
By Michele Novotni, Ph.D. “Women with ADD often feel socially disconnected and unable to ask for help or assert needs. Here’s what you can do to change this.”
Communications and Social Skills Books For Adults With ADHD
ADHD According to Zoë: The Real Deal on Relationships, Finding Your Focus, and Finding Your Keys
“Journalist and popular blogger Zoë Kessler was diagnosed late in life―well into adulthood, in fact. But instead of seeing this label as a burden to bear, Kessler decided to use it to gain a better understanding of herself, and to connect with others through her writing.
In this unique and engaging memoir, Kessler shares her own stories of living with ADHD in a way that is relatable, but never predictable.
Inside, she describes how her impulsive behavior has affected her love life; how being disorganized once stood in the way of landing a job; and how inattentiveness has caused certain challenges in her relationships.
Kessler also offers key coping skills based on her experience; skills that you can use to focus your energy, become more organized, and boost your self-esteem while tapping into creativity and humor.”
Connect: 12 Vital Ties That Open Your Heart, Lengthen Your Life, And Deepen Your Soul
By Edward M. Hallowell M.D. “Although our culture is focused on achievement, it is not our accomplishments that sustain us. It is the connections we make along the way. What are these connections?
They are the feelings of being part of something that matters, something larger than ourselves, whether it is a friendship, marriage, team, company, or even a set of ideals.
They can enrich your life, and their absence can shorten it. They are the key to what counts in life, and they are becoming harder and harder to make.
Now a noted psychiatrist outlines the steps we can take to make or reaffirm the connections that nourish the hungry heart.
Through his own life experiences and those who have shared their stories with him, we learn of the great joy and peace that come from connecting, and the consequences of remaining detached.
And we learn how to nurture that part of us which is so often neglected, and so very crucial to our emotional, psychological, and physical well-being – our connections.”
Dare to Forgive- The Power of Letting Go and Moving On. 2010 Kindle Edition
By Edward M. Hallowell. “Forgiveness is not turning the other cheek, it is not running away and it does not mean that you condone what someone has done, nor does it invite him or her to do it again.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you don’t want an offender to be punished, it doesn’t mean that you’ll forget the offense, or that by forgiving you tacitly invite bad things to happen again.
And forgiving doesn’t mean you won’t defend yourself or that you must love (or stop disliking) the person you are forgiving.”
In other words, forgiveness is not a sign of weakness but of strength. It’s also healthy, brave, contagious, and sets you free. In this book, Dr. Hallowell not only explains why forgiveness is one of the best things you can do to heal your body and mind; he also offers a practical, four part plan for achieving it.”
Living with ADD: A Workbook for Adults with ADD. Chapter 11 social skills.
By M. Susan Roberts and Gerard J. Jansen. “This interactive workbook will enable you to identify the personal problems caused by your ADHD and develop skills for coping with it.
Learn how to assess yourself and the ways in which ADD affects your daily life.
Then, work through exercises structured to help you deal with self-esteem issues; find out how to change distorted thought patterns, manage stress, and develop a structured approach to starting and finishing tasks.
Final chapters offer specific suggestions for handling common problems at work and school, dealing with intimate relationships, and finding support.”
Married to Distraction: How to Restore Intimacy and Strengthen Your Partnership in an Age of Interruption
By Edward M. Hallowell M.D., Sue Hallowell, and Melissa Orlov. “Modern marriage is busy, distracted, and overloaded to extremes, with ever-increasing lists of things to do, superficial electronic connections, and interrupted moments.
The good news is that there are straightforward and effective ways to restore communication and connection, resurrect happiness and romance, and strengthen—even save—a marriage.
• Observe the natural sequence of sustaining love: attention, time, connection, and play.
• Develop and nurture empathy—the essential building block to healthy communication.
• Carve out small moments of uninterrupted attention for each other.
• Identify the pressures that our crazybusy lifestyles put on love and marriage, and fight back with tenderness and appreciation.
Complete with scripts, tips, communication techniques, and a detailed 30-day reconnection plan, as well as inspiring real-life stories, Married to Distraction will set couples on a course of understanding, healing, and love.”
The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps
By Melissa Orlov. Also check out her great website ADHD Marriage, where she has a blog, forum, workshops for non ADHD spouses and more. I highly recommend it to both the ADHD spouse AND the non ADHD spouse. Some ADDers need to be on their 3rd spouse before they’re willing to get out of denial, minimization and psychological projection and look inside. Or get diagnosed with ADHD🙂 Ideally you want both:)
“The book authoritatively guides couples in troubled marriages towards an understanding and appreciation for the struggles and triumphs of a relationship affected by ADHD, and to look at the disorder in a more positive and less disruptive way.
Going beyond traditional marriage counseling which can often discount the influence of ADHD, this straight-forward discussion offers advice from the author’s personal experience and years of research and identifies patterns of behavior that can hurt marriages such as nagging, intimacy problems, sudden anger, and memory issues through the use of vignettes and descriptions of actual couples and their ADHD struggles and solutions.
This resource encourages both spouses to become active partners in improving their relationship and healing the fissures that ADHD can cause.
Also included are worksheets and various methods for difficult conversations so that couples can find a technique that fits their unique relationship and improve their communication skills.”
The Couple’s Guide to Thriving with ADHD
By Melissa Orlov and Nancie Kohlenberger LMFT. “More and more often, adults are realizing that the reason they are struggling so much in their relationship is that they are impacted by previously undiagnosed adult ADHD.
Learning how to interact around ADHD symptoms is often the difference between joy together and chronic anger and frustration.
So The Couple’s Guide to Thriving with ADHD lays out the most important strategies couples can use – right now – to rebuild trust, fight less, disagree more productively, get the attention they deserve, and rebuild intimacy in their relationship.
These are strategies honed over years of working specifically with couples impacted by ADHD, and demonstrated to change lives for the better. ‘Thrive’ is the go-to book for couples struggling with ADHD who want to actively work to improve their relationship.”
The Mindfulness Prescription for Adult ADHD: An 8-Step Program for Strengthening Attention, Managing Emotions, and Achieving Your Goals
“Physician-researcher Dr. Lidia Zylowska has created an 8-step program for using mindfulness practice (attention and awareness training) to overcome the symptoms of ADHD.
The program includes practices such as sitting meditation, body awareness, thoughtful speaking and listening, development of self-acceptance, mindful self-coaching, cultivation of a balanced view of thoughts and emotions, and more.
Dr. Zylowska educates readers about ADHD, helping them to understand how their ADHD brain works and how they can use mindful awareness to work with their challenges.”
What Does Everyone Else Know That I Don’t? Social Skills Help for Adults with ADHD by Michele Novotni, Ph.D.
I frequently recommend this to my Adult ADHD coaching clients and my Adult ADD Support Group members. Great book, especially the checklists categorizing social skills into groups and different skills in each group.
I suggest you print out a copy, rate yourself AND get someone who knows you well, is non judgemental and will be honest vs people please you to do it too. Often we ADDers can either minimize our problems or go to the other extreme, so compare both answers.
Communications and Social Skills Videos
The Importance of Emotion in ADHD – Dr Russell Barkley
Great video. Presentation slides available on Google Docs. Many think ADHD is just a cognitive condition. Wrong. I recommend this video to all of my adult ADHD coaching clients.
“Objectives:
Briefly review the nature of emotion and emotional self-regulation
Discuss the 7 lines of evidence for the important role of emotional impulsiveness and deficient emotional self-regulation in the core symptoms of ADHD
Summarize the results of research on the impact of poor emotion regulation in ADHD on various domains of functioning in children followed to adulthood and adults with ADHD
Discuss the implications of these findings for the diagnosis and treatment of ADHD
Presentation slides available on Google Docs”
New Skills For Frazzelled Parents Book + DVD
By Dr. Daniel Amen. “The Instruction Manual that should have come with your child. This course empowers clinicians to teach “superior parenting skills” to change a generation of children: to help our children be more adaptable, more responsible, more self-reliant, more resourceful, more compassionate, more “other centered.””
For Children
Communications and Social Skills Articles For Children And Youth With ADHD
How to Improve Social Skills in Children With ADHD
By Keath Low
Covers:
- “Increasing your child’s social awareness
- Teach skills directly and practice, practice, practice
- Create opportunities for friendship development
- Work with the school to improve peer status
Teaching Social Skills and Conflict Resolution to Children
Parenting k-6 Children About.com guide provides a book review on “Sticks and Stones.””
Play Therapy Techniques and Games to Try at Home
ADDitude Magazine. “Many children best express and challenge themselves through play. Using games and activities to encourage growth is the cornerstone of play therapy. Learn how you can teach valuable life skills to children of all ages with these recommended toys and games.”
The Importance Of Early Bonding On The Long-Term Mental Health And Resilience Of Children
London Journal of Primary Care. By Robert Winston and Rebecca Chicot. “Imagine if the hugs, lullabies and smiles from parents could inoculate babies against heartbreak, adolescent angst and even help them pass their exams decades later. Well, evidence from the new branch of science called epigenetics is reporting that this long-term emotional inoculation might be possible.
There is increasing evidence from the fields of development psychology, neurobiology and animal epigenetic studies that neglect, parental inconsistency and a lack of love can lead to long-term mental health problems as well as to reduced overall potential and happiness.
In this paper, the authors consider the evidence for this claim across several disciplines and conclude that the support of babies and their parents in the first two years of life to be a crucial aim of public health groups in the community.
Instead, the most valuable gift that a child can receive is free; it’s simply a parent’s love, time and support. This is no empty sentiment; science is now showing why baby’s brains need love more than anything else.
The new science of epigenetics is discovering more and more how our genes and our brains are affected by the lives we lead.”
The Initial Social Encounters of ADHD and Normal Children
“8 dyads with two normal children and 8 dyads with one normal child and one ADHD child were observed.
Each dyad was covertly videotaped during a 30 minute free play session. Two hours earlier, all the ADHD subjects received the dosage of methylphenidate regularly prescribed by their physician.
The ADHD/normal dyads spent a greater amount of time in solitary play than the normal/normal dyads (p < .05), while the normal/normal dyads spent significantly more time in associative play than the ADHD/normal dyads (p < .05).
ADHD/normal dyads had significantly longer latency to rule-governed play than the normal/normal dyads (p < .05).
ADHD/normal dyads had problems in the maintenance of associative play.
While the ADHD/normal dyads were more likely than the normal/normal dyads to shift from rough and tumble interactions to solitary play (p < .001), the normal/normal dyads were more likely than the ADHD/normal dyads to shift from rough and tumble play to constructive associative play (p < .01) and from solitary interactive play to constructive associative play (p < .01).
The ADHD/normal dyads elicited fewer positive and negative exclamations than the normal/normal dyads (p < .01), and when three codes (Laugh, Positive Exclamation, and Negative Exclamation) were combined to produce a measure of affective verbalization, t he ADHD/normal dyads evidenced less affective verbalization than the normal/normal dyads (p < .05).
More interestingly, sequential analyses revealed a lack of verbal reciprocity among the members of the ADHD/normal dyads.
Children in the normal/normal dyads, as compared to either member of the ADHD/normal dyad, were more likely to respond to an activity verbalization with another activity verbalization (p < . 01) and were less likely to provide no response to an activity verbalization (p < .01).
The difficulties the ADHD/normal dyads experienced in their initial interaction suggest the poor maintenance of a goal orientation focused on fostering the development of acquaintanceship.
These problems in initially engaging another peer indicate that ADHD children are at greater risk for not benefiting from socialization opportunities afforded by peer interaction.”
Communications and Social Skills Books For Children And Youth With ADHD
How To Handle Bullies, Teasers and Other Meanies. A Book That Takes the Nuisance Out of Name Calling and Other Nonsense.
By Kate Cohen-Posey. For children ages 8-12. “Recommended by American Library Association.
How to Handle Bullies, Teasers and Other Meanies:
(a) covers annoying name calling, vicious prejudice, explosive anger, dangerous situations, and causes of difficult behavior;
(b) contains more than 12 ways for melting meanness;
(c) Uses dozens of dialogues and practice exercises that children enjoy reading;
(d) shows young people how to put spiritual truths into action; and
(e) gives parents, teachers, and counselors a method to help young people help themselves.”
Mindfulness for Kids with ADHD: Skills to Help Children Focus, Succeed in School, and Make Friends
By Debra Burdick LCSW. “Mindfulness for Kids with ADHD offers fun and accessible mindfulness exercises designed to help kids with ADHD successfully navigate all the areas of life-from making friends and doing well in school to establishing healthy habits and limiting screen time.
The activities in this easy-to-use workbook will help your child develop self-awareness and self-reflection-two skills that kids with ADHD typically need extra help with.
The book also illustrates and teaches the process of setting intention and using specific mindfulness skills to identify and improve feelings, self-image, behavior, stress level, concentration, hyperactivity, and relationships.”
Mindfulness for Teens with ADHD: A Skill-Building Workbook to Help You Focus and Succeed Workbook Edition
By Debra Burdick LCSW.
“In Mindfulness for Teens with ADHD, a clinical social worker offers fast, easy mindfulness skills to help you successfully navigate all the areas of life, including making good choices, completing tasks, increasing academic success, excelling at sports, driving safely, getting enough sleep, managing stress, and more.”
Mindful Parenting for ADHD: A Guide to Cultivating Calm, Reducing Stress, and Helping Children Thrive
By Mark Bertin MD. “In this book, a developmental pediatrician presents a proven-effective program for helping both you and your child with ADHD stay cool and collected while remaining flexible, resilient, and mindful.
Bertin addresses the various symptoms of ADHD using non-technical language and a user-friendly format. In addition, he offers guidelines to help you assess your child’s strengths and weaknesses, create plans for building skills and managing specific challenges, lower stress levels for both yourself and your child, communicate effectively, and cultivate balance and harmony at home and at school.”
Socially ADDept: Teaching Social Skills to Children with ADHD, LD, and Asperger’s Revised Edition
By Janet Z. Giler. “Socially ADDept helps educators and parents teach the hidden rules of social behavior to children with limited social skills, notably those with special needs like ADHD, learning disabilities, Asperger’s and high-functioning autism, Tourette Syndrome, and nonverbal learning disabilities.
The book is divided into eight sections that educators can use as teaching units or parents can work through one week (or month) at a time.
Includes a way for children to see themselves and how their behavior looks to others
Deciphers the complex rules of nonverbal language into friendly, bite-sized morsels that kids can understand
Offers a field-tested collection of suggestions and strategies for parents and professionals who want to enhance a child’s social competence
Socially ADDept is presented in a hands-on workbook format, complete with reproducible student worksheets that are also available for free download from the publisher web site.”
Superparenting for ADD: An Innovative Approach to Raising Your Distracted Child. 2008 Version
Dr. Ed Hallowell and Peter S. Jensen. Dr Hallowell has ADHD and is the pioneer in the field. If you ever get a chance to see him talk in person I highly recommend it. I saw him speak twice in Vancouver and once in Seattle. Quite inspiring and informative and human.
“The practical strength-based techniques Drs. Hallowell and Jensen present put the talents, charms, and positive essence of your child ahead of any presumed shortcomings. Clearly outlined and organized, Superparenting for ADD offers a specific game plan that includes:
• UNCONDITIONAL LOVE Tune out the diagnosticians and labelers and simply notice and nourish the spirit of your child for who he is. Providing this unshakable base of support will set the tone for all interactions to come.
• VIEWING THE MIRROR TRAITS There are positive sides of the negative symptoms associated with ADD:
stubbornness = persistence; impulsiveness = creativity; intrusiveness = eagerness. By recognizing the mirror traits, you avoid the ravages of shame and fear.
• THE CYCLE OF EXCELLENCE Use this critical 5-step process to help a child develop self- and social awareness. Nurture an environment in which a child can safely take risks, reserve time to let a child dabble as a way to learn, encourage playful practice, support mastery of a skill (whatever the skill may be), and then recognize a child’s accomplishments.
• IDENTIFYING AND TAPPING THE SOURCE Pinpoint your child’s inner, conative strengths, which drive what he naturally and spontaneously does, as opposed to what he is told to do or feels he must do. Your child will do his best when allowed to use these conative strengths.Drs. Hallowell and Jensen fully understand the real and everyday challenges–both at home and at school–facing parents of an ADD child.
Now this important book shows you how to unwrap the wonderful, surprising gifts of ADD and turn what is too often labeled a lifelong disability into a lifelong blessing.”
Teaching Life Skills to Children and Teens With ADHD: A Guide for Parents and Counselors
By Vincent J. Monastra
“Teaching Life Skills to Children and Teens with ADHD describes the Life Skills Program created by author Vincent J. Monastra at his ADHD clinic.
It features practical strategies for helping children and teens develop essential life skills at home, school, or in a support group setting.
Some of these skills include: engaging others in conversations; seeking out confidence-building experiences; responding appropriately to teasing; establishing friendships and social networks; trying group activities to avoid isolation; developing healthy eating, sleeping and exercise habits; solving problems and getting organized; and showing sensitivity to others emotions.
Each chapter includes exercises to help you teach, model, and guide your child in trying out these skills.
Interactive checklists, quizzes, and guided journal entries are provided as tools for reflection and for engaging children and teens in ways that are interesting and fun.”
The ADHD Workbook for Kids: Helping Children Gain Self-Confidence, Social Skills, and Self-Control
by Lawrence E. Shapiro PhD
“This workbook includes more than forty activities for kids developed by child psychologist Lawrence Shapiro that can help your child with ADHD handle everyday tasks, make friends, and build self-esteem while he or she learns to overcome the most challenging aspects of the disorder.
Includes activities to help your child:
•Become a good listener and a good friend
•Make school easier and more fun
•Recognize his or her special gifts and build self-esteem
•Practice planning ahead and learn responsibility”
Thriving with ADHD Workbook for Kids: 60 Fun Activities to Help Children Self-Regulate, Focus, and Succed
By Kelli Miller LCSW MSW
“In Thriving with ADHD family therapist Kelli Miller draws upon both her professional expertise, as well as her experience as the mother of two ADHD children, to help kids reframe the way they think about ADHD and discover that they have special talents that are unique to them.
Thriving with ADHD includes:
An overview of ADHD that includes common symptoms, ADHD types, how ADHD can be an asset, and areas where kids could use additional support.
Exercises that build helpful skills for dealing with anger, staying focused, controlling impulses, and making mindful decisions.
Action-oriented lessons for daily life that teach practical tools such as creating a morning routine, making a homework chart, and expressing themselves when they’re upset.
Techniques for self-regulation and organization that help kids handle any emotion or obstacle, so they can spend their energy having fun and just being kids!”
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