Self-Esteem Reduce It Or Boost It For ADHD Adults

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Topic: ADHD and self-esteem, why it’s important, how to reduce it and how to boost it. See the other Adult ADHD Issues.

Facilitator: Pete Quily

Thanks to Ed and Amy for taking notes.

September 6th 2016 Meeting Notes for the Vancouver Adult ADD Support Group

Many people have problems with self-esteem, but adults and children with ADHD have much, much higher rates of problems with self-esteem than other people regardless of external achievement or status.

 

Overview:

What is self-esteem?

Warm up exercise in pairs or threes. what has worked for you before in boosting your self esteem?

Consequences of low self-esteem

What things reduce self-esteem?

What things boost your self-esteem?

Practical self esteem pair exercise

 

What is self-esteem?

builds the confidence you need to move forward with things
how you perceive yourself and your abilities to do things
how you respond and deal with failure
it is based on confidence not delusional arrogance or narcissism
it is how you feel about yourself
low self-esteem results in either shame, anxiety or depression or it is projected outwards
reflects on how you treat the world

 

Warm up exercise in pairs or threes. what has worked for you before in boosting your self esteem?

a strict plan i am prepared for and know how to recover from
being clear on what i am and what i am not doing
being prepared and having a plan
dancing
do what i am supposed to do/knowing what i am supposed to do
gym – eating well
having another provide me with a plan/keep on course
helping others
music
read positive things about myself
remember that it is the heart that counts, remind myself about my faith
sticking to a healthy eating plan
way of measuring things to stay on track

 

Consequences of low self-esteem

affects every area of your life
afraid to try new things
anxiety
assertiveness problems
avoidance of relationships and socializing
codependency
depression
disengage – not caring
eating disorders
get into any kind of addictive pattern, behavioural or chemical, i.e., food, booze, drugs
have no boundaries –> what is the boundary? communicate it impose a consequence for violating it
higher rates of being bullied and sometimes being the bully
irritable
isolation
learned helplessness – no point
lower patience and tolerance
perfectionism
problems maintaining and creating relationships
social skills problems
unemployment/underemployment

 

What things reduce self-esteem?

abandon healthy routines
addiction
advertising industry (you are inferior)
attachment to others opinions, judgement or expectations, whether they explicitly or implicitly say it, or you just make up in your mind what YOU think they have of you.
being or imagined being ignored
cluelessness, lack of specific skills
completely giving up
defensiveness
delusion that it’s just me and nobody else with problem x.
denial
fear of failure and also failing for real
forgetfulness
general criticism and if especially if you feel it’s not deserved
inability to self-advocate or do group advocacy
low productivity, not completing things
lying to cover up
not eating healthy foods
not living in the present (anxious of the future and depressed about the past)
not sticking to any kind of regulation
not taking reasonably good self-care
others judgement, attachment to their judgment
paperwork
parents
people making assumptions
social awkwardness
trouble learning from experience
unrealistic expectations
unrealistic to-do lists (use reality filters on your to-do list)
unseen skills that are not acknowledged ex: credentials

Book recommendation:
What Does Everybody Else Know That I Don’t?: Social Skills Help For Adults With Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder by Michele Novotni

 

What things boost your self-esteem?

achievable goals
affirmations/positive self talk
avoiding energy vampires
being helpful to others (boosts dopamine)
belonging to positive people and groups – that you resonate with – that do things you enjoy doing
breaking down a big project into smaller parts and getting it done
create something physical, making something with your hands
doing something creative, physically, artistically, emotionally, or intellectually creative ie, make a meal
exercise and meditation
faith
figure out a script with a problem you are having – start using it in front of the mirror
gratitude journal
groups that you resonate with, what you like
hang around people who appreciate you
help someone make something – use your strengths to help others
learn what gas lighting is and how to recognize and deal with it
learning a new skill
notice and celebrate your successes and get curious why –> how can i use that again?
recognize manipulation
rewarding yourself when deserved
short, doable routines
spend less time on web/social media
stepping outside your comfort zone
succeeding at a small goal
try something new or challenging
try, test, measure, evaluate and adapt

 

Practical self esteem pair exercise

Get together in twos or threes and ask the other person to answer these questions with one or two, not ten, examples.

What is your consequence of low self esteem?

What lowers your self esteem?

What boosts your self esteem?

What will you do/not do? To improve your self esteem?

When will you do it? Pick a specific day and time?

How will you remember to do it then?

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