Acceptance Of Adult ADHD

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Topic: How to develop greater acceptance of adult ADHD. Vs denial and minimization of it and the accompanying needless negative consequences and suffering. See the other Adult ADHD Issues.

It’s useful in its own right, and also, it’s harder to change what you can’t accept. Acceptance of yourself is the first step to change vs denial of reality.

Facilitator: Pete Quily

Thanks for Christopher Stanbury for taking notes

April 2nd, 2013 Meeting Notes for the Vancouver Adult ADD Support Group


1. What is one part of you that you have had trouble accepting in the past, but now you’ve found a way to accept


2. How did you learn how to do it?

Self-Worth: “If others can accept me, so should I.”


3. How do you define acceptance?


4. Negative consequences of not accepting yourself?

Beating yourself up

Continual pain (emotional pain)



Time Wasting



5. Why do ADDers have more trouble accepting themselves than non-ADDers?

ADHD is easy for the government to ignore. Many medical professionals aren’t trained on ADHD and so far the vast majority of BCers with ADHD and their families don’t complain to the government or media about the lack of trained professionals on ADHD and government neglect. So ALL governments keep neglecting us.

Are your expectations accurate?

Do others get it but not you?

“Do you mean that I’m not lazy, crazy, or stupid?”

Don’t filter as much

Executive functions don’t work well

Feel injustice more strongly

Focus on our flaws

Focus on the neurological perspective of ADHD rather than the moral perspective.


If you don’t know why you have difficulty with acceptance – it is harder to deal with it.

Lack of delegating

More honest about self-awareness – see flaws more clearly

Strong sense of right or wrong

Take your info about ADHD and educate your doctor. Canadian medical schools don’t do this very well and some doctors have zero training on ADHD.

What if that “one door” is acceptance?


6. What increases self-acceptance?

“3 good” [at bedtime ask yourself what were 3 good things about the day]. Write 3 things you did good at or well every day at the end of the day, in a small book and review the previous few day’s notes before writing. Well, not perfect aka the God delusion. I do this quite frequently with my adult ADHD Coaching clients, and it works quite well.

“Gift of Confidence” [after meeting with partner or friend give each other a “Gift of Confidence”]

1. A general level of acceptance

2. Something having difficulty in accepting

What will help 1 or 2 above?

Accepting others helps you to accept yourself.

Ask for feedback

“Forgive for Love” book by Frederick Luskin

Don’t blow off positive feedback from others.

Don’t feed off of your own anger

Don’t reject a compliment because it comes from family or a friend by telling yourself that therefore it does not qualify.

Forgiveness of others, and of yourself

How to accept different parts of you

How to manage procrastination better

Look at the good points of 1. Others and 2. Yourself

Neuroplasticity – the brain can change at any age. Our brains are neuroplastic, not concrete. Unless we’re unwilling to learn how to change.

Re: the perception that family compliments don’t count:

You need to fight this tendency in yourself

Accept “birthday” compliments

Learn to say “Thank You”

Serenity prayer – “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Take in compliments

The more you read about acceptance, and consider what you read, the more you will understand it

You need to fight this tendency in yourself

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